Når himlen åbner sig

Foto lånt af Nicolaj Zabriskie

Den danske sommer er… foranderlig for at sige det mildt. Og sådan helt bogstaveligt åbner himlen sig med jævne mellemrum. Tung regn.

Regn inviterer til at holde sig indendøre, eller sådan ser jeg det i hvert fald. En undskyldning for at sætte sig til tasterne på et længe ventet blogindlæg fra mig. Mit første af slagsen. Det er usikkert land og også lidt angstprovokerende. Man kunne også hoppe i gummistøvlerne, og danse rundt i en vandpyt, men lige nu ville det være en overspringshandling.

For alt for længe, har jeg trykket på backspace tasten  og overspringshandlet med hvad som helst. Tiden er nu.

Ordene presser sig på, som små utvetydige hints i mit øre. Nogle gange er det en stille hvisken andre gange er det larmende høje ord. Ordene kommer som små tryk i brystet. Det er som om sætninger, formuleringer, metaforer og historier, banker på indersiden af mit bryst. Vedholdende, udholdende og tålmodigt.

Jeg står ved en skillevej. Det har jeg gjort mange gange i mit liv. Fire år på universitetet er slut, og jeg skal til at begå mig i den “virkelige verden”.  Hver gang jeg befinder mig her, hvor verden ligger åben for mine fødder, så tvivler jeg. Hvad er det, jeg skal? Hvad er planen for mig? Jeg ved det ikke. Endnu. Måske finder jeg aldrig helt svaret på mine spørgsmål. Kun hvis jeg lytter… sådan rigtig lytter. Det kræver ro, nærværstræning og mod.

I uge 29 var jeg på sommeroase i Horsens. Inden vi ankom, havde jeg gjort mig nogle tanker om, hvad jeg gerne ville have ud af min uge. Den vigtigste ting for mig, var at komme ned i gear, efter et hårdt specialeforløb, og ja to ekstremt hårde år på min kandidat. Mit mål var at komme så meget ned i gear, finde stilletid og nærvær med mig selv og min sjæl, så jeg forhåbentlig kunne høre mit hjertes visdom. En formiddag i forteltet, satte jeg mig ned ved mit blomsterbeklædte campingbord, åbnede min stilletid med en kort meditation af Ole Skjerbæk Madsen og taknemmelighedsord… og bad så en stille bøn:

Gud, tak fordi du guider og velsigner mig med vejledning for det, som tænder en ild i mig.

Jeg husker faktisk ikke helt, hvordan og hvad jeg konkret spurgte om, men her er de ord, som kom til mig:

Lovpris mig – tilgiv dig

Skriv Helle skriv. Skriv fra hjertet og sæt ord på din ild. På den måde ved du, at du er på rette vej, og at du lytter med dit hjertes ører. Din sjæl synger mit ord, min plan for dig. Lyt mit barn. Lyt. Hvil i mit ord, hav tillid til mit ord og min stemme i dig. Hengiv dig til det, jeg kalder på i dig. Jeg er der. Og det du møder på din vej, er mig. Så vær tryg Helle, mit barn. Du er elsket, du er værdig, du er mit barn. Lad mig male indersiden i dig gylden, lad mig fylde dine celler med al min kraft. Forny, genskab, tro. 

Så nu skriver jeg – jeg lytter. Og har tillid til at himlen åbner sig med ord til mig.

58 kommentarer til “Når himlen åbner sig”

  1. Kæreste Helle. Det du skriver giver mening for så mange mennesker i vores samfund. Inklusive mig selv. Vi far omkring som forvirrede individer og glemmer at stoppe op og føle uden at tænke. Jeg tænker nok for meget på hvad der er det rigtige at gøre i stedet for hvad der er det rigtige at føle. Fordi hvis jeg kunne føle og mærke hvad JEG har brug for så ville min process blive noget nemmere. Ikke sagt at den bliver mindre smertefuld. Vi træffer hele tiden nogle valg, store som små, og hjertet siger en ting og hjernen en anden. I de fleste fald styrer vores hjerne os mere end hjertet. Så jeg forstår hvad det er du siger. Det er en process der varer hele livet. Med et åbent sind og tillid til sig selv kan denne proces blive noget nemmere at overskue. Tak fordi du deler med dig…..jeg fortsætter min vandring og anerkender mitt hjertes rejse.

  2. Kære Helle! ✨
    Vores liv krydsede hinanden for nogle år siden og vi delte tro med hinanden.
    Jeg jubler til himlen over Guds trofasthed, nåde og kærlighed. Når jeg læser dette.
    Vidunderligt når han gør noget i hjertet og vi får indstillet vores hjertes kompas og tilbedelse på Gud Fader i det høje.
    Må du og dine være velsignede!

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