Ud i Uvisheden

”Når en dør lukkes, da åbnes en anden” sådan siger et gammelt ordsprog. Men hvad så når døren, der åbnes, åbner ind i uvisheden?

I går stod en dør på klem. Jeg var til jobsamtale. “Du skal være glad for at være kommet til samtale”, siger folk. Og ja, det var da også opløftende endelig at komme til en samtale. Det havde jeg brug for. Men døren blev lukket. Det er selvfølgelig aldrig rart at få et afslag, men det var ok. Jeg “tabte” til en kandidat med mere erfaring, og det kan jeg jo ikke hamle op med. Det, som slog luften ud af mig, det var en følelse af uvished. Hvad så nu?

Igen banker uvisheden på som et overvældende udefinerbart tomrum, hvor jeg stadig ikke har klarhed over min fremtid. Stabilitet. Ro. Men hvad nu, hvis det slet ikke er uvisheden, som er overvældende? Men en manglende kendskab til fred. Til ro i sindet. Hvad nu hvis uvisheden handler om øvelse i livets ulidelig lethed? (Tak Martin for den.)

Kun i korte perioder i mit liv har jeg været i flow. I en tilstand af ubesværethed med energi, overskud og lykkefølelse. Faktisk kan jeg kun tælle to sådanne perioder i mit liv. Det var perioder, hvor jeg helt tydeligt tog ansvar og handlede på det, som mit hjerte kalder mig til. At hjælpe andre. Frygten tog over. Sådan lidt forklædt som stress. Faktisk tror jeg frygten handlede om angsten for at være fri. Angsten for denne følelse af, at der var noget i mit liv, som var let. For det var jeg jo slet ikke vant til. Men jeg vil gerne tilbage. Til den tid, den tilstand. Paradoksalt, så er den tilstand jo en del af mig. Jeg ved det godt.

Bøn i uvisheden

Gud,
Jeg takker dig for al din visdom
som taler igennem mit hjerte

Jeg takker dig, fordi du vejleder mig
og guider mig.
Tilgiv mig, når jeg ikke lytter.
Jeg ved, du er der
Jeg ved, du taler

Jeg takker dig, fordi du åbner
og lukker døre for mig, når jeg er i tvivl.

Hvad skal jeg gøre for at have fuld tillid i uvisheden?

Du behøver ikke være bange. Alt er godt.
Frygten, du mærker, er gammel.
Du er videre. Lad dig ikke narre.
Du er stærk. Vær ikke bange for dit lys.
Stol på mig, stol på mig.
Jeg lyser vejen for dig,
også selvom du føler, at du går i blinde.
Jeg er dine øjne, og du skal turde at se.
Se din styrke. Se dit lys.
Jeg værdsætter dig. Du er værdig. Du er elsket.
Åbn dit hjerte – jeg ser, det er lukket.

Jeg ved det.
Åbn dit hjerte mere for mig
Jeg ved du er træt af ikke at vide.
Læn dig blot tilbage i tillid til, at du er, hvor du skal være
Min plan for dig er klar, så frygt ikke.
Jeg ved det for dig. Det er nok.

Så nu går jeg. I tillid. Ud i uvisheden.

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